Pandora Scooter: Blog

She's made mistakes, yes.  Big ones.  Big, sloppy, messy, sprayed mud all over your white pants mistakes.She broke your trust, your heart, your faith, she must be punished.But the punisher is inside herAnd you have no control over the whippings, and the beatings and the condemnationBut you want retributionSo you take it out on others in your circle - like meYou think you can unfurl the grasp she has on people you loveShove her to the ground and make her disappear.But, guess what?  She's still here.And she deserves to be here.She has physically hurt no one but herself.She has lied to protect those around her.She has confused neediness with love.And she is learning the difference.Despite your rage and your disgustShe will growShe IS growingAnd soon - in terms of a lifetime - she will thriveShe is surviving and nothing will hold her backExcept herself.And you. have. no. control.Your disgust scares me.The bile you emit - vomit - all over my heart - burns holes in it.And you're [...]

A dyke walks into a bar and says, "Ouch, what the hell is THAT doing in my basement?" Her wife comes running down the stairs and says, "Oh, honey, I thought we needed to be more social, so I had it installed today while you were at work. We're opening up for business in two hours. Do you think you can learn how to make Sex on the Beach in time?" The wife, a modern day Maureen Stapleton, hurries up the staircase, her plaid apron swishing back and forth.

"What the?" wonders Johnna. She stood for a moment and when she realized there was no punch line coming, she pulls out one of the bar stools, plops down onto it and lets her head rest on her hand. "What is she talking about? More social?" she muses outloud while staring off after Dot.

Dot. Not Dottie. Not Dorothy, took her moniker when she refused as a little girl to answer to Dorothy or Dottie. It was 1980 and little girls just weren't called "Dot," but Dot announced that she wanted to be called Dot, giving the reasoning, at [...]

She sits on this throneMade up of her own insecurities and fearsIt seems like she's so high above it allIt seems like she couldn't ever fallShe stands tall on her throne and bellows a call to actionA bold move that motivates hundreds to move their feetBut the slightest infraction, the slightest infractionHas her self-medicating...She forgets to listenShe forgets to beckon for aidShe forgets to make space for feelingsShe forgets to let the pain fade and focus on the joyJoyJoyShe knows intellectually that there is joy to be had,But her joy is dependent on changing the worldAnd tonight she sits waiting WaitingWAITINGTo go make a difference in some stranger's lifeAnd all this waiting is making her stare in the mirrorAnd what shoots back at herIs this really strong, really smart, really inspiring woman who is a natural beautyand who is deeplyirrefutablyirreperablylonely.I don't think she believes that it's possible to be anything butShe's picked friends who she'd kept at arm's lengthIf any of [...]

Nine full decades I've walked this earth I've seen great abundance and I've seen emptiness and dearth I've fallen in and out of love so many times, I've lost count And the losses were sometimes so difficult to surmount But I always gained in ways I could never have predicted Each time we evicted each other from our hearts And forced each other to begin again from a different start... I've had children who have mirrored me in ways I couldn't imagine I've watched them succeed and fail with great compassion I've helped them through thick, through thin and through gray I've done my level best and they've forgiven my mistakes... I've seen friends die and I've made friends a new And each friend has been a poem filled with specificities of "you" I owe my life to those who have loved me I owe my life to those who have shown mercy I owe my life to chance and circumstance I owe my life to my own courage and my own bravery Now that I am officially, irrefutably "old" I'm asked questions that I [...]

It's the oddest thing of late.  I don't know if it's my laptop being near my uterus or the tension in my body from doing pilates... but around 7:00 pm every night my pelvic musicle goes CRAZY tight.  And I try to breathe to make it right - to calm it down - to ground it so I don't split in two - the one who wants to get shit done and the one who wants you to come here.  right now.  and wring me out.  until I'm limp from shaking and shimmers and undulating quivers and high dives off my headboard and until I'm bored with with being wrung out.  (Which might take a long while.)  The side of me that wants to get shit done gets unplugged by this other side.  It's gone acoustic and the pelvic thrust side is all electric -- I could light up a New York City BLOCK with the energy coming out of my pelvis...I don't need anyone to tell me I'm powerful, all you need is to stand next to me and feel all this crazy whirlwind and magnetizing might pulling you towards [...]