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Pandora Scooter: Blog

Lonely

Posted on June 5, 2011 with 0 comments
She sits on this throne
Made up of her own insecurities and fears
It seems like she's so high above it all
It seems like she couldn't ever fall
She stands tall on her throne and bellows a call to action
A bold move that motivates hundreds to move their feet
But the slightest infraction, the slightest infraction
Has her self-medicating...

She forgets to listen
She forgets to beckon for aid
She forgets to make space for feelings
She forgets to let the pain fade and focus on the joy
Joy
Joy

She knows intellectually that there is joy to be had,
But her joy is dependent on changing the world
And tonight she sits waiting
Waiting
WAITING
To go make a difference in some stranger's life
And all this waiting is making her stare in the mirror
And what shoots back at her
Is this really strong, really smart, really inspiring woman who is a natural beauty
and who is deeply
irrefutably
irreperably
lonely.

I don't think she believes that it's possible to be anything but
She's picked friends who she'd kept at arm's length
If any of them reached out to ask what was wrong, she'd probably respond, "What?"
With that "Pshhh" attitude that says 'Don't worry about me' - I'm all ovaries and strength.

She's been lonely so long, she can't remember what it felt like to not feel that way
She doesn't even think that it happened anyway
She has some bizarre fleeting memories
But really, she's discounted them and relegated them to fantasies.
"That relationship was a lie" she pronounces
Dismissing it in its entirety
And when someone new comes along and announces
"Let me in, please."
She laughs, double locks the doors and pulls the shades
And then cries in the shadows
Once in a while
Fewer and Fewer times as time goes along.

So she sits at the brink of her dream adventure
Pained by the lack of connection with loved ones
And yet she'd reject them if they reached out
Why would anyone want to take on this immature fun?

I wouldn't put up with it.

 

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